*Deep Breath*
In Jude, it starts out by saying he was going to just write something generic, but felt compelled to write for them to contend for the faith.
I was originally going to write a message about why I dislike the Holidays so very very much. But, I can’t do that…. because, as much as this time of year kills me, This is the first year, I’ve actually got my focus in the right place.
Tonight, I was cleaning the basement, because I was having a particularly bad day and I was trying to avoid terrible life choices, so I decided to keep cleaning my house… picking up some more pieces of a broken life…… and I wasn’t ready for what I found….. I found a stack of papers, and handwritten notes….. the weight of which had driven a previous version of myself to pulling the trigger………. and I felt like I was facing it alone.
The main kicker….. was when I found my middle daughter’s suicide note…… and my heartfelt plea to DHS for actual help….
(Long story short, they didn’t help…. my daughter’s are no longer my daughters….. and my family has crumbled)
So….. how am I going to write this happy? I don’t know. I just know, that it’s because of Jesus Christ, that I was able to unbreak this evening…. I didn’t get to sleep, no… and I’ll be going into work after posting this, but here’s the thing.
I get to spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning with the ONE person on this planet that matters to me. My Daughter. The one thing I have left on this planet worth drawing breath for….. and the only REASON I draw that breath is because Jesus has some plan, and “He’s cooking” and I’m supposed to let him cook……
So This year, there’s no Santa in my house. There’s No tree in my house. But there is, and WILL be Christmas. Because it’s the day that “we” celebrate Jesus birth. SO When we wake up on Dec 25th, I’ll be starting my new tradition of reading the story of Jesus birth, to my daughter. out of the Bible. (Probably a few versions, like her “action bible” might be good for her). I’m doing Nativities, and not going “overboard” for decorations. I don’t plan on doing “Presents”, mostly because i’m broke, but honestly, because money doesn’t matter. “Time” matters. So I invest my time. into those I care about. If that time turns into a “gift” it is going to be something I made using that Time. sort of like a “time container” of sorts. I don’t know, to me, that’s a way to show someone they mean something more than “hey, here’s this thing you’ll probably never use”.
Anyway, I AM looking forward to Christmas, just not the whole “Seasonal Insanity” that seems to manifest itself in the world, and frankly too many “Christians” too… if we are really, truly, followers of Jesus…. this year, try to make the focus of his day, HIM… and the family you find yourself with. Love the people you are around, Love them, even if it’s hard…. especially if it’s hard…. because Jesus loved us, enough to die for us…. and if he can save and change me…. pretty sure he’ll take anyone who wants to come.