Let’s start with a few simple truths:
- I am a Child of God, A Disciple, A Warrior of the Kingdom of Heaven.
- I believe the Bible is a pretty literal history of the planet, our existence, and our place in creation, how God loves us more than we deserve.
- I believe Jesus Christ is who he said he is, and He did what he said he was going to do. He has called me by Name, and given me a purpose, and Gifts through the Holy Spirit.
- I believe ALL of us, every human, every creature, everything that has life is fallen and sinful, and ONLY after being washed in the blood of Jesus, and believing in HIM as your savior, can ANY of us come to the father.
That all being said… I’ll get to what I feel I need to write. It’s a long post.
Foundation: A Godly Start
From the very beginning of my life, I have been blessed to be raised and surrounded by very strong godly people. My Parents, My Grandparents, even My Great Grandparents were all, EXTREMELY devout and religous people who loved and feared the lord. I grew up living a block away from my church, and spent more time at church and home, than anywhere else. My innocence was protected for a VERY long time, and I saw light, and peace, and was very convinced in the “Holy Spirit” because I saw and FELT it. I wouldn’t understand that till much later, but I have always known it, tangibly.
I accepted the Lord as my savior around 5. I was baptized at a young age. If I remember correctly I was 12, it was young. I was still in my age of innocence, I hadn’t seen ANY of the darkness of the world, but I fully believed and made that public declaration.
Being so protected, confused me. I have always had an angst, and the typical parental “Because I said so” or “Because the Bible said so” … that didn’t satisfy my need to know WHY a rule existed. there had to be a reason for the rule, or it was unjust. that’s just how I saw the world.
That sort of questioning, that resistance to authority, has led to more often than not.. learning a lesson the hard way. a sort of “OH! That’s why God said not to do those things” or “that’s why that rule exists”. normally through injury (physical, mental, or ego)
In high school, my innocence was shattered, pretty badly.
I had experiences with demons. and yes, I mean biblical, Scary, and VERY real. I won’t do my story the disservice of distracting from the end goal, so I won’t be descriptive here. For those who know me personally, I will be an open book, and I will testify to any questions with evidence to my claims. but for awhile, demons were everywhere, except at church. church was the ONLY place I was safe from them. So i decided to ask at church, I asked an adult, I don’t remember who, what pastor or leader, that’s not important. What they said, tho, affected me. I was told "Demons and Angels aren't real, it's allegory, it's metaphor to make sense of things we couldn't explain in ancient times"
now.. keep in mind, this is one of the adults, who worships with me every Sunday, every Wednesday. they have ZERO issue accepting the “influence” of the holy spirit.. but completely dismiss the spiritual realm that the very book tells us about?
I knew the love of Jesus, I could still feel it at church, but it started to feel like most of the PEOPLE, didn’t actually see the other side of the veil ever, they wouldn’t actually understand.
Eventually, through prayer, and confronting the fear in the name of Jesus, (standing in a graveyard, in the middle of the night to show that NO darkness had power over me), I was able to get the demons to leave me alone for awhile.
but that one event, started a rupture, in my angsty, questioning heart, that would drive a wedge between me and “organized religion”
College Life, was the beginning of a SOLO journey into faith, into my personal walk with Jesus… that ends up going VERY astray, as most do when they walk alone……
I wasn’t content with just knowing that demons and angels existed. I got involved in video games that explored the LORE of the spiritual war aspects … Diablo, World of Warcraft, D&D, Warhammer… I LOVED diving into the lore side of things, because it felt like people were willing to at least acknowledge this unseen world, that I have been aware of.. It felt less “crazy” than a lot of normal life.
I decided, to try and take things out of the “Fiction” world. I wanted to understand more about the angels and holy spirit i felt, but also the demons that had hunted me. Those were real, So i felt called to start learning about them.
I found shamanism, and that makes a LOT of sense. It helped with an understanding and a framework. when you have the Bible, and Christ as your FOUNDATION, you CAN gain understanding through other things. Let me be clear here. I DO NOT SUGGEST ANYONE READ OCCULT BOOKS. I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO GO THE WAY I DID. THIS PART OF THE STORY IS CAUTIONARY, however, in scripture it does state that in the absence of anyone to preach his name, the rocks, the trees, and the earth will cry out his Glory... and THAT… THAT is 100% true in my life.
When I prayed For Help as I journeyed through spirit quests, and meditation.. The Lord sent me spirits. I feel content in saying that, because they told me “You need to go back to church, You belong to the Christ”. So as far as that goes, I made sure the more I read, I was at least trying to continue to get the input from church too. as often as I “could” but It was easy to find excuses not to go, because starting to get lost in the whole “spirit world” is very distracting.
Running. Falling. Failing. (Jonah)
After College, I’d had a revival. I knew God was calling me to do SOMETHING, but… between Alcohol, and opening doors into occult magic…. I finally had a Jonah moment…..I Knew I was supposed to move on, and start my life… but I did it the most Wrong way possible… and would spend 16 years in the belly of a whale.. (I mean, I was married to an actual demon, and it nearly destroyed my life)
Okay…. sooooooo I won’t go into TOOO many details. However. My marriage itself was a direct affront to God. Neither of us REALLY let our parents know. We didn’t invite ANY family. We WOULDN’T go to a church, she HATED God. So we got married in front of a Judge. (As I said, This was a Jonah move)
After 10 years, 2 kids, and nothing but an outpouring of the wrath of God for my disobedience, I started a divorce process that would finalize my downward spiral to actual Rock bottom.
On the way down to Rock Bottom. I found Chaos Magic. It began to make the bigger picture I had always tried to explain a little clearer… It uses Quantum Physics and Mechanics to blend the “As above, So Below” aspects of occult, but the crazy thing was, the deeper I dug into their Lies, it just made God’s word that much Clearer. I was surrounded by NO godly people at this time, and Anyone of the “Occult” will completely reject you if you claim to follow Jesus, even claiming OT (YHWH) would be frowned upon. so i kept that secret as I read.
A friend at work wanted to discuss my faith, because he was shocked that I was a “secret Jesus freak” and That stunned me, because I didn’t notice it was secret. but I had become overwhelmed with trying to treat prayers like spell-casting. trying to repaint the picture, rather than just enjoy the one God was painting.
So I Decided I’d start looking into some of the other Books, that Early Christians, or Jews at the time of Christ would have been reading, or using to understand their world.
God answered a Prayer, and My fiance found ME. We have our daughter, our church, our families, and we’re trying to do this the right way this time. We’re raising our daughter to love and fear the Lord God.
God Steps In, Calls me Back: (Why any of this matters)
God, Jesus Christ called me Son. I have been reborn, because I died. At the very very rock bottom of my Jonah run… JUST before I prayed to be Spat out and go back to Nineveh.
I was in prayer, Gun in hand, “forgive me” and pulling the trigger.
Stop! My Son, I’m not done with you yet.
LITERALLY every cell in my entire body stopped moving, the entire room was FLOODED with white light. The voice was Clear. He knew my name. He had a plan, I just wasn’t going to know it yet. I felt warmth, like a hug… a hug in my SOUL, like i’ve never felt… pure Love.
That day was my birthday, July 13th. The same day that President Trump was almost assassinated on live TV in Butler PA. (I’m Pretty sure the Lord Jesus altered our timeline on that day… I don’t believe in coincidences)
Since that Day, The visions have returned. I know why The lord allowed me to walk the path I did. I was allowed to take a peek into the enemies playbook. The world isn’t the way we’ve been taught. We need to question EVERYTHING but God’s Word. God gave us everything we need.
We are up against MASSIVE change, WORLDWIDE change, Lies are being exposed, but the enemy will NOT let this key time in history slide, and we are in the moments/days/years before a MASS deception. many will lose sight of the Lord.
I have rededicated My life to Christ. I am a warrior for HIS kingdom, and Will warn of the dangers we are playing with in life..
My next step the lord has called me to do, was Tell My story… and now that I have found a Church Family to walk with, I need to be re-baptized.
I’ll keep writing on this site, and I’m hoping to find more ways to help make disciples, and be involved in the KINGDOM.
I pray the Lord Jesus will use this Testimony to further his kingdom. I pray My story will help anyone realize that even if you think you’re irredeemable that the LORD JESUS loves you, and has a plan for YOU. You just need to give all your cares to him, it’s hard sometimes, and the world is a scary place, but The lord has a plan, and you are a part of that plan.